The Fault in Our Stepbrothers
I have a story.
So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake.
When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”
And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”
He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.
All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”
Just came across this earlier. For the people who think 1D are slowly fading:
If you’re gonna keep being cute then you’ll have to kiss me, I’m sorry I don’t make the rules
"I am very independent. I can look after myself, but I still need a lot of love and care." - Scarlett Johansson
When contemplating a $15.00 purchase
- 10-year-old me: Wow idk that's a lot of money
- 15-year-old me: Kickass, that's so cheap
- 20-year-old me: Wow idk that's a lot of money
things to not show in school
- a pack of gum
pi day fun facts: i memorized 434 digits of pi in the sixth grade to beat a kid who claimed he knew 500 just bc he was an asshole
he knew six
My life is kind of like when you’re about to sneeze and then don’t